in pursuit of emptiness...

yet another birthday, to prove that our lives are shallow and we r in search of emptiness... and that there is no god, no compassionate one, no one who cares... jus have to get used to the fact... its high time now... do i have infinite words of wisdom at 27, no i dont. do i have anything to say, no i dont. do i know anything from the previous day, no i dont. birthday or no birthday, life is always the same... hello darkness my old friend, i have come to talk to u again. the serpent seems to care more than the saint. why do people make innocent children believe in god? how can people be so cruel to do that? how can they program them to think so? why r we so heartless? so selfless so as to believe that we cant take care of ourselves and that we need an infinitely powerful god to take care of us, when this being cannot take care of the world around us. somehow i have this feeling its not going be long before i go now. i know i don have much left, my body hurts, it feels like i am wearing a suit, my tremors are worsening, breathing is becoming much heavier than normal, having severe chest pains, weakening joints, and finally the new symptom to worsen the tragic comedy nose bleeds. i just got to move on, maybe i am wrong maybe i am gonna go at hundred or at a hundred and twenty. i just want a factory. maybe a couple more than one. makes me smile. nothing like a manufacturing unit. the synchronisation. the rythm in the noises. its just beautiful to stand in a factory and hear everyone work towards a single goal... k, i have to go and get back to work. enough of ranting...

Andrew's compatibility with me as per the Enneagram Test

Enneagram Type One (the Reformer)
with
Enneagram Type Seven (the Enthusiast)

What Each Type Brings to the Relationship

Enneagram Ones and Sevens have a particular complementary and reciprocal relationship. They are opposites who can either bring something needed to the other person, thereby helping both to achieve new growth (or, as we will see) they can drive each other further apart by playing on each other's weaknesses whether consciously or not. Ones bring conscientiousness, orderliness, good work habits, methodical attention to detail, and a pleasure in maintaining excellence and high standards. Sevens bring spontaneity, high energy, curiosity, an orientation toward fun and adventure, the desire to try new things, and an ability to not get too hung up with getting everything done perfectly. Both types can be initiators and planners, future-oriented and idealistic, although Sevens tend to prefer having multiple options and to keep all plans loose enough so that they can be changed as needed. They bring freedom and spontaneity. Ones are more methodical and help Sevens stay on track—they resist getting distracted by too many options, and excel at following through with their plans.

Sevens offer Ones a sense of excitement and life as a source of pleasure and enjoyment. Ones offer Sevens a sense of purpose and idealism, as well as direction and the feeling that life is noble and meaningful. Sevens keep Ones' spirits up, refreshing their idealism while preventing the relationship from becoming too heavy. Ones help steady Sevens, keeping them working systematically and consistently toward goals. Sevens appreciate the One's consistency and reliability and are glad to have someone who can attend to details. These two types can be highly supportive of each other as long as their ultimate values are congruent and as long as they are both working for the same fundament things in life. This tends to be a stimulating relationship for both—they stretch each other and are fascinated and challenged by their differences.

Potential Trouble Spots or Issues

As stress increases, Ones become increasingly critical, judgmental, inflexible, and insistent that things be done only one way, the right way—their way. They inevitably begin to see Sevens as undisciplined and inefficient, self-centered and childish. Ones feel that Sevens are scattered and tend to fool around too much, over-extending resources and overbooking themselves and promising too much to too many people. Ones also often feel that Sevens are unfocused and scattered simply to annoy them and to get back at them passive-aggressively, without seeming to be hostile or petty themselves. On the other hand, Sevens tend to see lower functioning Ones as too prissy and perfectionistic, and ultimately, as someone who needs to be kicked in the pants to loosen them up a bit. Conflicts between these two types also often focus on organizational and financial matters, with Ones feeling that Sevens are profligate and wasteful while Sevens feel Ones are too tight-fisted and have no vision or pizzazz.

Sevens eventually tire of the One's continual criticism and dissatisfaction with them. Pursuing other options in the relationship becomes more and more attractive since Sevens deeply resist feeling trapped or being in situations that continually produce unhappiness. Unfortunately, low functioning Ones continually contribute to this. If matters continue to deteriorate, Ones will lose respect for Sevens who become increasingly pushy and demanding, with a calloused, vulgar tone. Ones find this extremely embarrassing to be around, and can become disillusioned and depressed, withdrawing emotional connection from Sevens. Thus, a disdainful contempt for the other can enter the picture from both sides, making reconciliation even more difficult. Ones criticize Sevens for a while, then silently give up on them until some event spells the fatal blow to the relationship.

Andrew's Enneagram Test

Main Type	Overall Self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Enneagram Test Results Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||||| 70% Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||||| 54% Type 3 Image Focus |||||||||||||||| 62% Type 4 Hypersensitivity |||||| 26% Type 5 Detachment |||||| 26% Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||||||| 66% Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||| 38% Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||||||||||||| 62% Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||||| 58% Your main type is 1 Your variant is social

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

My Enneagram Test Results

Main Type	Overall Self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Enneagram Test Results Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||| 54% Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||| 34% Type 3 Image Focus |||||||||||||| 54% Type 4 Hypersensitivity |||||| 22% Type 5 Detachment |||||| 22% Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||| 50% Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||||||||||||| 82% Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||||||||||||| 66% Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||||||| 66% Your main type is 7 Your variant is sexual

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

My version of Andrew's Enneagram Test Results

Main Type	Overall Self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Enneagram Test Results Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||| 58% Type 2 Helpfulness |||||| 30% Type 3 Image Focus |||||||||||||| 54% Type 4 Hypersensitivity |||| 14% Type 5 Detachment |||| 18% Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||||||| 62% Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||||| 42% Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||||||||||||||||| 86% Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||||||| 66% Your main type is 8 Your variant is sexual

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Type 1: I must be perfect and good to be happy.

Type 2: I must be helpful and caring to be happy.
Type 3: I must be impressive and attractive to be happy.
Type 4: I must avoid painful feelings to be happy.
Type 5: I must be knowledgable and independent to be happy.
Type 6: I must be secure and safe to be happy.
Type 7: I must be high and entertained to be happy.
Type 8: I must be strong and in control to be happy.
Type 9: I must be peaceful and easy to get along with to be happy.

A daisy chain for satan

"I live for drugs."
"That's great."
"I freaked out very very badly."
"I freaked out on acid."
"That's great."
"I'm the white rabbit."
Here where I sit alone lost
Here I will dream, why
Give me a drink, I need a think now
I gotta rip my stinking brain
"My friends turn me on."
"I could never afford it, I
would never buy drugs."
"I live for drugs."
"That's great."
"I'm the white rabbit."
Black boots, highway broads
Dope forever, forever loaded
Black boots
"I freaked out on acid."
"I'm the white rabbit."
Here where I sit alone lost
Here I will dream, why
Give me a drink, I need a think now
I gotta rip my stinking brain
"I freaked out very very badly."
"I freaked out on acid."
"I'm the white rabbit."
"Joan? Joan? Bitch! I'm
gonna find her, and I'm gonna
kill her!"

Nippon Nippon

I fail to understand why at this point why much of the western world is trying to implement manufacturing techniques from Japanese companies into their own. It seems pointless to me, cause much of the culture is different and that terms like Lean Manufacturing or Kaizen or Kaikaku may work for a few western companies who are able to abide by the complete philosophy or this pattern of thinking.

Go Nippon Go!!!

Fatima's Gold

The sun shines brightly upon the lot
Whilst in heaven they moan
and in hell they mourn
The songs of freedom befriend them lot

Show them the meaning of it all
The greater scheme, the bigger plan
and if there be none
A hoax on em all

to all who hear she calls, "come home to the desert"
She lives in the desert sands
far greater than any other land
Fatima lives in the desert, Fatima lives on

One by one they fade, one by one they die
Goodbye one, goodbye all
The dead alchemist churns blood into gold
But Fatima lives in the desert, Fatima lives on

To make this desert my home I come
Just to find hell and heaven in one
I weep, I moan, I mourn
To find the visage but now she's gone

The sun shines brightly on my face
Singing those songs of freedom
Realizing that this life is not hoax but a mirage
Fatima lives in the desert
But Fatima is simply not home

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot! The world forgetting, the world forgot, Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind! Each prayer accepted, and each wish resigned"
- Alexander Pope

Innocence, I have never taken for granted, not merely I but all who have lost innocence as children. How we've tried to win it back but have never been able too... Then again, who wants to be innocent? Who wants to be pure?

Hmmm, nothing like Creedence Clearwater Revival right now... Knowing that the end is coming but to embrace it with open arms anyway.

I remember trying to find innocence early on, I mean after I lost it of course, but right now, it doesn't bother me, except when I am in a situation where I know too much... Ha ha, ignorance is bliss.

In a way, I love my life... In a way, I don't... Yet to find peace with myself... And somehow all with a spotless mind...

I love my critters

Thats Robbie... I don exactly like this cat but I still take care of him. Why? He bit me three times!!! Man, the nerve of this critter. Kinda good looking though...

Ooohhhh so chweeeet!!! Adorable lil kitten!!! Yeah rite... Bummer

Touch me and I'll bite... Damn, u can see that in his eyes...

If there's anyone who reads my blog and likes this kitten a lot. Do tell me... I will mail him over to ur address... I swear, I will...

Sophie, loves to eat, loves to play, loves to jump up on my shoulder and lick my hair.

Dude... Do u mind? You are squeezing me...

Thats it... OUCH!!!

Kyle with the pointed ears... Loyally and faithfully as Sophie's courtesan, don't ask me how they do it... Please don't ask...

Look at me, I am Sophie's side kick. I go where ever she goes...

What do you do?

Just feel like expressing a lot with letting anyone know what all this is about... Yeah, life is a btich, especially to those who have been bitches. Jesus loves you... Fuck you, no one cares, we are alone alone alone. Nothing no one can do can ever bring us close to being whole. Who cares anyway? Its just another blog where someone is not making any sense at all...

What do u do when u have a lot of hurt thats stuck in ur heart? What do u do when u given up on humanity? What do u do when u just start to believe someone out there really cares only to realize they don't?

Why do we do what we do? Why does it hurt when you start to care? Why does it hurt just when you give a part of urself to someone thinking they'd keep it safe?

NOBODY gives two hoots about anybody, we r all running in this selfish rat race... Oh, my God this guy is crazy, what about love? Love, the purest form of the lack of selfishness... Doesnt exist.
It doesnt..

Ann Sarah Speaks

Hi, I am Ann Sarah, I am a month old, I do look constipated but don pay attention its jus all the milk

Ummm, tummy hurts... Nevertheless...

My story is really simple, I met this really nice guy. He helped my mom and dad out a lot before I was born.

The first time I saw him, I had chills through my spine. He was so sweet and soft spoken...

He came up to me, picked me up in his arms and said, "Hey beautiful"

It was love at first sight...

It was like I longed to be in his arms forever. After we parted, we didn't see each other, i.e.; till today. You know, either I am sleeping or he's sleeping. Its just tiring to be awake all the time...

Anyway, I dreamed of him, I hope he'd come and pick me up in his arms and hold me close to his beating heart...

I wish he'd jus call me on the telephone...

Tell me that he loved me more than the stars above...

I would talk to him three hours straight, if only he'd have called.

Speaking of which, look who's here...

Thats him, the love of my life...

So what, he is 25 years older than me, I am sure no one would love me as passionate as he would

I just love to lie next to him and gaze at the stars above

So, he's older to me. but I know we can make this work. He loves me as much as I love him

Its love that counts, right?

I dream of the days when we could be together...

And that us, we will make it work... We will

Baby Joanna: No comments...

Please welcome: Ann Sarah

The new addition to the gang: Ann Sarah

And the brat the elder sister: Anna Maria

Baby Joanna

A certain snot faced cutie pie baby named Joanna...

"Stop staring and Pick me up, will ya?"

Hey You, Yeah You, Who u calling tiny? I'd kick ur fat white bottom all over the place...

"Julie, I'd do the stars with you anytime"

PLAYSTATION 3: The gaming marvel...

Kyle a joey?

Kyle learns wat it takes to be a joey...

Cleaner photos of the kittens

The three of em in my bed under my warm blanket. After cleaning... Sophie's eyes are still red but the other two are doing ok... Kyle sexy as always... I spent a lot of time with Kyle today and she was sleeping in my shirt for a long time while I was studying. Since Robbie is violent can't expect the same of him and Sophie was sick so I let her rest, she is sick but apparently she does all the eating...
Kyle's ears are pointed. ha ha. Did u notice that...
This guy is turning out to be a rascal and unmanagable. And he is violent. Robbie attacked the camera seconds after the snap. He is fierce, u can see the look in his eyes

The rescued kittens: Kyle, Sophie & Robbie

Rescued three little kittens yesterday. Apart from the fact that I must have gotten a hundred scratches and one deep bite, I think these three are really cute. Two of them female and one of the male. I decided to name em after three of my favourite pop artists: Kyle, Sophie and Robbie...

This is Kyle and Sophie. Sophie is the one hiding behind her sister. Yeah, they are really scared. I found em this way. I had to clean them up later on. I will update those snaps later
This is the furious Robbie. Man, he is furious, doesnt like to be cuddled or touched either.


Close up of Kyle. She's the cutest of em all. And the most hyper active... Yeah, she's the one that bit me. OUCH!!!

Thats Sophie, because I found them in a lot of dust, they developed allergies and there was mucus formation in their eyes, and therefore its sealed shut. Sophie is the smallest of the three of em...

All three of em.. Pretty much nervous...

Hmmmm, I had to force feed them the day I found them cause they were really nervous. Anyway, they are eating now. Can't stop Sophie from eating extra food... they were probably starving when I found them.

I cleaned them up today, after the snaps were taken. They still look dirty, so I might have to clean them again tomorow. I will post snaps after that...

A cute kid and me animals

A Novice's Guide to Reality

Cliché: "Follow your passion." We all know the storyline: People from Abraham Lincoln to Oprah grew up modestly but followed their passion and thus succeeded beyond their wildest dreams.

Reality: For every Oprah, there are 10,000 schmucks who never made more than McWages in following their dream. So, they're now working as marketing assistants for the Western Widget Waxing Co. (with a copy of some Follow Your Passion book on their nightstands) wondering what went wrong. While ambition, drive, and intelligence are obviously important, it usually takes considerable luck to make a living doing what you love.

Advice for mere mortals: Do what you love, but don't expect to get paid for it. Want to be on stage? Act in community theater. Want to be an artist? Persuade a restaurant to let you decorate its walls with your creations. To make money, pick a field that pays decently and has few liabilities. Chances are, that will lead to more career contentment than pursuing a long-shot dream as your career. Treating a long-shot dream as an avocation gives you most of its pleasure without forcing you to endure a life of poverty.

Cliché: "You've got to pay your dues." Usually you hear this from that CEO who started in the mailroom.

Reality: Many higher-ups think of employees willing to do scut work as drones, even losers.

Advice for mere mortals: If you want to be a star, demonstrate your potential from Day 1–first impressions tend to be lasting ones. So impress the hell out of them right out of the gate. For example, propose doing an innovative project, on your own time if you have to. If you hear your boss complain about a problem, tactfully propose a solution or offer to help.

Cliché: "Make a difference." Many commencement speakers state or imply that to make a difference, grads should work for a nonprofit organization or the government.

Reality: The nonprofit and government sectors are notoriously inefficient. Working for an ethical business–or starting your own–may make a bigger difference to society.

Advice for mere mortals: You can make a difference while making a profit. You needn't work for Ben & Jerry's. Any business that sells a good product at a fair price and treats its employees well is a worthy place to work.

Cliché: "Education pays." The speaker gushes about the joys of learning ... and suggests that more degrees mean more bucks.

Reality: Remember, the source is biased: No university will ever hire an education skeptic to speak to thousands of new alumni and potential donors. Professors and university mouthpieces are also likely to be cheerleaders for getting more degrees–that's what universities sell. Please know that statistics linking higher pay to higher education may be misleading: The people who get more education tend to be brighter and more motivated in the first place, with better family and professional connections.

Advice for mere mortals: Where possible, get your learning in the real world. Grad school is a must if you want to be a brain surgeon or a professor, but for many careers, you'll learn more of practical value on the job–plus, instead of paying tuition, you're getting paid.

Cliché: "Be true to yourself." Or, roughly interpreted, do whatever you want. That's a guaranteed crowd pleaser.

Reality: Many young people are naïve and inexperienced. A surprising number aren't even ethical.

Advice for mere mortals: Follow your internal compass, but seek advice from older mentors you respect and other people who know more than you do. There are a lot of them.

The Gay couple on my table

Ripples in a Pond

Ripples form in a pond
Pebbles smoothen in the stream
A cork holds a bottle of wine
Time passes by
A decade goes by
No one knows why

She says Life is but an echo
A baby cries
Some poor Miner Mines
A computer on the Isle
The Old man dies
His only daughter cries

Nazi on the trigger
BANG!!!
A woman crumbles to her knees
The Nation now crumbles to its knees
While Children beg for bread
The mother devours her child instead

She said life is an echo
Her newborn baby cried
Her deprived father mined
Her computer sits on the isle
However, as to death he crawls
To Jesus she cries

We are but ripples in a pond
We are but the cork that holds the bottle of wine
We are but that pebble in the river
Time goes by
Decades Fly by
We do not understand why

Her Blood flows
Down to the valley
Where is her life now?
The life she once had now forever lost
The ring on her finger
Killed by the man who put it there

Five seconds too early Five seconds too late
CRASH!!!
His body thrown fifteen feet in the air
The doctor arrives late
Too late for the stairway to heaven
A sinner but condemned to hell

Their lives mere echoes?
A random happenstance?
An occurrence?
Why are we here?
Chaos rules, as ripples form in a pond
No one really knows why

Recent Snaps

Killer Headaches

I jus wanted to let ya all know I am having killer Headaches

Mood Disorder

So what? I have a mood disorder. I happen to be one among the millions who have some sorta psychological disorder.

So what? I get angry and break doors, windows, priceless and inexpensive items. Everybody gets angry some time or the other, at least I haven't killed 1.2 million for oil.

So what? If my friends call me a psycho and my girl friend ditches me cos I am psychopath. Give me a break I haven't killed anyone in the name of a rage.

So what? If I hurt people and animals. Get used to it life sucks for everyone.

So what? I alter the lives of people around me. I don't play God pleasing myself with BLOOD sacrifices of men and animals.

So what? I don give a fuck for those suffering around. Aren't we all blind in someway.

So what? I don talk to people. Don't tell me all your friends are extroverted.

So what? I don care... Why do you?

STOP JUDGING ME!!! GIVE ME A BREAK!!!

Guess who decided to Step in and Game on the PS3 Console

MOM

Bob Marley

Bob Marley is one of the few musicians who have made a remarkable impact on me. Even though I am an ardent rock fan, especially ardent to the psychedelic scene back in the sixties and the seventies, I find him very inspiring. One of the greatest musicians who have tread this earth, who lived music and died music. He lived by everything he sang. He has virtues that even most preachers wouldn't have. A legend in his own right.

He put up to the man, all his life... All his life. Lived for single handedly for unity and freedom, not fame and popularity, even though the fame and popularity followed him every where.

One frequent statement I share with my friend Tabba'a is, "Buddy, we were born in the wrong place wrong time..." Wish I could just go back in time and see the buffalo soldier perform.

He is dead now, but his legacy lives on. Long live the colours, long live the freedom...

"Won't you help me sing, these songs of freedom, cos' all I ever had is redemption songs... These songs of freedom"

VOICE OUT

I have been trying to control myself from voicing out my opinions on the war against Iraq. And the many atrocities committed against humanity.

I have to control myself. It makes my blood boil, how one group can escape with crimes commited against humanity while others, can just get away with it. Is there no justice left in this world? Where are the renegades? Where is God?

We are all too bothered about our lives that we cannot stand up for what is right.
It is with shame and much disgust I say, "I cannot stand up for what is right".

Immaturity

Some Fucks never grow up...LIKE ME

Sheeeeeesha

Yesterday was one of the few nights I have enjoyed in my stay in KSA. It really is nice place except for the lack of freedom and semi-slavery system.

But yesterday was a good day... The morning I spent it like my usual mornings. The evening I had an appointment with my shrink. But the night was different. I spent it with my Syrian friends - There was Tabbaa and Loui. Friend's from my previous company. They had take me out to sheesha or the hubbly bubbly. Incase you are wondering what a sheesha looks like.

They put a mixture of tobacco and fruity substance on the top most container. The bottom half of it is full of water. More or less it works like a bong. Doesn't get you high but it gives a nice feel. We had dinner as well. Sat there in the sheesha place for almost four hours.

After the sheesha was exhausted Tabbaa and myself, we drove into an alley listened to Bob Marley, Grateful Dead, Creedance Clearwater Revival, Iggy and The Hollies. It was awesome, pyschedelic rock and reggae go together. We had a couple of smokes in the car as well. Thats all the liberty and freedom we get in this country.

Keep on rocking in the free world...

Ahmed Zaki Yamani - A Saudi Legend and A Genius

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ahmed_Zaki_Yamani

If only I could find this man and find out the words of wisdom he could bestow me with, I would be happy... A true genius in his own right. A mastermind who left behind a legacy.

My first blog

Hmmm, my first blog... I have read a lot of blogs that inspire people to blog, so I am finally starting to do it. And the other reason is I forget things very often so, I am gonna chart it all out over here and refer back if I need it.

I watched Pirates of the Caribbean 3, finally, and it wasnt as good as I expected it to be. Watched a few Depeche mode videos on the youtube.

I wasted me entire day just relaxing. Woke up early for a change though. I have been out of a job for like 3 weeks. And during the course i was applying for jobs, preparing for my GMAT.

People talk to me bout Mindkraft 08. Thats like a festival we started in our university, we were the first ones to do in our university. Big accomplishment considering the big standard code our univ used to follow. Its like a legacy our batch left for the college. Brings back good memories of good times I had in college...

K, thats it for now... :) cheers